I see light and I feel hope! I feel and see glimpses of God's goodness in the midst of my pain. Today I started thinking seriously how He could redeem this situation and I started thinking about doing ministry to the brokenhearted and the poor. So I going to start praying for opportunities to minister to the brokenhearted and the poor.
I believe with my whole heart that Satan destroyed my relationship. But I also believe with my whole heart that God IS good and He will redeem and make something good come from it. Look at what He did with Joseph and His Son and so many others...
God told me the Monday before the breakup, "See the former things have taken place, and new things I declare; before they spring into being I announce them to you." Isaiah 42:9
In the midst of my pain, I want to see God at work. I want to intentionally look for ways He is working. And then I want to worship. Satan wants me to think horrible thoughts and I've let him, but those thoughts are like him: they seek to destroy me, they are lies and they seek to steal my walk with God.
I hope one day to be able to say with Joseph, You meant this for evil but God meant this for good. And here's what He did...whatever it is. I want this to be a testimony to Him in the midst of ruins. And He is glorified.
I had a great phone conversation that blessed me earlier this week in which a sister in Christ shared her breakup story and how she got through it. I told her emphatically, "You have blessed me." I want to be able to do that with someone.
Then this experience will be redeemed and good will come out of it. This experience is also making me want to fight. I HATE Satan and what he has done. So I am praying for redemption and beauty to rise from the ashes.
God is in the business of restoration, reconciliation and redemption. He makes streams in the deserts and crooked paths smooth.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The First Month
My boyfriend broke up with me exactly a month ago today. Today, I have been crying, and I have been angry. Mainly I am angry at Satan, who is a liar, a thief and a destroyer. He destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend, I believe that with all my heart. My boyfriend began to believe lies: a)his parents told him how concerned they are with our age difference (13 years); b)he became fearful and fled rather than standing firm.
Our faith brought us together and our unbelief broke us apart. For almost two years we have overcome. We overcame circumstances (unemployment, being broke, and living in separate places) because we agreed with God that we were to be together. We had already planned the wedding, but we were still waiting. We were waiting on circumstances to work out so we could start our lives together. Yet he became fearful and I was impatient. Both are rooted in unbelief.
So a relationship has been destroyed. And I am heartbroken.
BUT I believe God is good and He causes ALL things to work together for good for those that love him. So in the midst of my pain, I see and taste glimpses of His goodness.
My boyfriend taught me that I was special, well loved and beautiful. I never knew that until he showed it to me. I called him God's gift because he taught and showed me so many things about God.
In the aftermath, I am learning that I am still special, well loved and beautiful in God's eyes because I am His daughter. I am learning about God's sovereignty, grief, compassion, and so much more.
God is close to the brokenhearted. I never knew what that meant until now. I never understood what it was like to be brokenhearted until now. Yet isn't this one of the reasons Jesus came? "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted..." Isaiah 61:1
We have the promise that God will bind up and heal our broken hearts! Isn't that Good News? In the midst of my grief, I can rejoice. God and His son care about my broken heart and yours.
I want to know God better. And this painful, horrible experience is helping me learn more about God. And I want to be like the boy's father who pleaded with Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." Mark 9:24 So I am praying to Jesus to help me overcome my unbelief.
Our faith brought us together and our unbelief broke us apart. For almost two years we have overcome. We overcame circumstances (unemployment, being broke, and living in separate places) because we agreed with God that we were to be together. We had already planned the wedding, but we were still waiting. We were waiting on circumstances to work out so we could start our lives together. Yet he became fearful and I was impatient. Both are rooted in unbelief.
So a relationship has been destroyed. And I am heartbroken.
BUT I believe God is good and He causes ALL things to work together for good for those that love him. So in the midst of my pain, I see and taste glimpses of His goodness.
My boyfriend taught me that I was special, well loved and beautiful. I never knew that until he showed it to me. I called him God's gift because he taught and showed me so many things about God.
In the aftermath, I am learning that I am still special, well loved and beautiful in God's eyes because I am His daughter. I am learning about God's sovereignty, grief, compassion, and so much more.
God is close to the brokenhearted. I never knew what that meant until now. I never understood what it was like to be brokenhearted until now. Yet isn't this one of the reasons Jesus came? "He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted..." Isaiah 61:1
We have the promise that God will bind up and heal our broken hearts! Isn't that Good News? In the midst of my grief, I can rejoice. God and His son care about my broken heart and yours.
I want to know God better. And this painful, horrible experience is helping me learn more about God. And I want to be like the boy's father who pleaded with Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." Mark 9:24 So I am praying to Jesus to help me overcome my unbelief.
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