I feel so empty and disconnected. My grief seems to be getting worse. I so long for community and yet honestly I didn't make it to church today.
I still keep thinking if I can just leave here and go to DC where there are more resources to be in community, life will be better. I want life to look different but I am not sure what I want it to look like.
Life moves on and this year it has to move forward.
So what do I do? I need help and healing. I have to have courage to face my issues and the fact that as a child of an alcoholic, I want to control my environment. I get upset and disappointed when I can't. When external factors don't go my way, I think it reinforces my negative thoughts about me. Somehow, external circumstances=my identity. Yet story after story in Scripture says that is not true. My thoughts are wrong. The Gospel and my identity in Christ is mind-blowing and TRUE.
My beliefs and thoughts are WRONG. But how do I believe correctly? How do I move truth into my heart?
Don't beat yourself up about missing church. God knows and is carrying you in your grief. It has only been a few short months since your mom's passing and both you and your sister need to be patient with yourselves. Perhaps a change of scenery will do some good, but remember that grief is natural and that God is carrying you right now. There are a lot of people who God has put in your life who care about you and are praying for you. I know that God is going to lead you to do great things when the time is right.
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